Everyday we are running with the time and the time really makes the things change.....Sometimes, it takes shorter time while sometimes it takes a longer time.Everyday i am struggling how to fight with it and to be its owner but i really found it hard.....just like a person's mood....You cannot have a happy mood every time.... and everyone must undergoes a tough circumstance as well as difficult task which we might not face when we are still young.......
Brother : i feel so happy when i was still young, but as i grew up, i found myself not that happy anymore
Everyday when i was boring or nothing to do, i like to see at the big blue sky as through this i will feel that i am just like me..... i do not like to fight with people.... i just like a peaceful life.... that is enough for me.....=)
And i really appreciate daily life's moments with my friends, family or even lover. But sometimes, it doesn't move smoothly....... and this is the task that the GOD gives us to practice and improve ourselves to be a better self..... as nobody are perfect included ME. Sometime, i always think that i "walk too fast" ....until not clearly see my parents's work hards, my friends' concerns or my teachers' advises....and when i was young, i am not that mature and have many bad habits.
Sometimes, i really don't know who am i.........
But after an incident, i had totally changed myself to a better self..... that is, we are not appreciated enough that the people around us but after lost, only we discover their contributions, work hards and so on.
Here has a very good example : This video really very touch... the spirit of the people that try to search for any survivor after the earthquake..and it really gives a big impact to many people, i think..... and people who are victims at that time are very appreciate each other right now......as they know "people they are died will never alive again".... whatever the other parties has do something that is wrong or not, they learn to comprehend their drawbacks and give them a chance to change...after this incident.....
And people will only appreciate other parties when they had died, but i hope after you guys seeing this will more appreciate the people that around you......
Rumor - a big killer in nowadays...Actually i was bullied by my friends when i was 13 years old... and this remain 3 years... and this is the worst experiences in my whole life, i think... Do you know a sarcastic words can easily influence people's mood??? Do you know a facial expression with a sarcastic words can make a people unhappy ??? Do you know an action with a facial expression and a sarcastic words can kill a people without any "crack"??? I think the people who has done this will never know....
Rumor - a gossip that that usually mix with true and untrue messages that passed around by word of mouth...
Sometimes, when people done this to you, they will not remember but when you are the people that are bullied by them, you will know and remember how horrible the sarcastic words are.....But can you imagine there are thousand of sarcastic words that from the mouth of different people which threw on you..??? Everyday i go to school with grievousness and don't even have the chance to voice out . This is because if i voice out, i will be hated by more people even i have done nothing wrong. ME, don't even have a chance to smile in school in that 3 years, i think.... and my "unfortune" really make me feel very bad....
I don't feel like talk with anybody, so please just leave me alone.....
Whatever i had done in school, they must say something bad to me, even i drank water or just see something from the other place, doing my homeworks or go to somewhere else... Seriously, i think about commit suicide when i was only 15 years old... But when i was trying to do that i start to think about my families, my others friends and my relatives... If i died what they will do??? I am trying to analyse the things and the consequences... But after this incident, i am not a happy girl anymore although i am quite an optimistic people when i was in primary school.Everyday i just feel like i live under pressure especially in school. i am turn out to become a people who is no soul, no spirit and no hope anymore.
At that time, nobody help me, obviously that is because everyone afraid to become the 2nd me... who is being bullied by the other people.... They bullied me by using sarcastic words...done everything that they think they can make me feel embarrased and give me a hard time whenever they can .... majority of them do not know how i will feel and don't even care about it...... But do you think that if your roles are inverted , now you are the victim at that time, what will you feel ????
At that time, i really look like this photo.... Do not have any strength to resist ....
It really is a worst and horrible experiences to me... indeed... and i always have a nightmare every night ... i scare to go to school, scare to talk with new friends and start to shun myself from others .... this is the only way to protect myself from bullied by the others.... may be you will think that i am selfish , but this is the only way i can have my own freedoms.... and do not easily get hurt by others.... Actually i do not want to type this here... and this is my past experiences already... Now i am not angry or blaming anyone, just use this as a reflection mirror to others.....As when i look at the people that surround me might do the same things to someone, i will think about my past experiences, and i really scare that they become the 2nd me. There are really too many bad experiences from me.... since i was 13 years old....I start to become a people who lost all her confidence, lost all her motivations to do something.... lost her good memories with her friends in the primary school.....But i still remember that a girl..... laugh at me and say something which i know the things i am not doing...but what i can do is just accept it quietly and no respond to them in order to "save " myself from their "good deed"....
But i still cannot contain my tears, just like this photo....
But as you know everyone has their maximum level to endure a certain tings... but if they are too over sometimes...i cannot contain anymore and i will cry. At this time, they are very happy as their plans succeed.
Sometimes, everyone will get the copy from the teacher but only me... never mind... i do not have my table and seat in the early morning.... never mind... i do my homework and listen to the class.... they laugh (a few times already).never mind, i eat alone, i do experiment with other racial except Chinese....i accept. you glance at me.... i never mind.... but you start to criticizing my family..... i ...... cannot endure anymore..... as this is my limit......that day when school dismissed, i straight away run away from school as i afraid that somebody might discover that i am crying.... and i run quickly and rushed into the house, to the second floor as i do not want my families know that. I locked the door and cried softly in the toilet and wait i calm down i try to tell myself i should not bear it anymore.... ok.... i want turn school...!! As only this can make me feel happier and i can have a new start.
Cry doesn't solve matter, so i decided not to cry anymore from that time......
School normally is a good place for us to socialize... but what i can say to you guys after this incidents is that i never enjoy in the school... and i have the phobia to talk with people.... as i afraid when i start to talk with them i might get hurt by them....without an explanation to me....i don't want that anymore, seriously....even i had done something wrong, can you guys tell me??? But why you guys want to do like that and don't even give me a chance to change myself... ?? Even the prisoners have the chance to change themselves.... am i do a such big wrong...??? Just compare with them.....I do not kill any people and steal before......I can loudly say that i do not do this before....
And do you know that when the person being bullied by others by using sarcastic words is the most awful??? As when someone start to talk something like that to you, your self-esteem, your mentally, physically, emotion, health, and even your psychological will be unbalance, and this will make you a person who look like no soul, no spirit and no hope....and suddenly you might reluctant to communicate with people as you are frighten to talk with them... even asking a question also....like a died person....The above incident had took me a few years to overcome this phobia.Actually, i want to say thank you to them who has done this before to me, this is because if do not have them, i will not change myself to a better self. I become more open-minded in seeing things.. really...This is part of my experiences.....
Fortunately, at that time i do not do the silly things, otherwise.....My end will just like this photo right??
And here has a sad story.........
Just like the picture of a little girl that looked like wanna dying and left her last breath and behind her is a vulture.....waiting to eat her..... and this photo really gives the awareness to many people...... But the people who took this picture is not so lucky.... as people do not see the efforts that he had given behind the photo. Majority of the people only see that the little girl is going to be eaten by the venture but he still taking the picture, he is evil, many people start to think like that... But only minority of people knows and understand his contributions.
Just think about it, if he do not took this photo, would people see the photo and save the poor little girl and their racial ? And may be after the quick shoot, he immediately saves the little girl....?? Do we know?? We do not know....What people had done are criticized him and even looked down on him when he got the award. As they thought he has no humanity. He has commit suicided after that.... as he cannot sustain the pressure from people with different perspectives, and opinions. But after that, people only start to appreciate the things that he had done and feel pity to him. Unfortunately, it's too late, nobody can save him from the "dead god"......Does this cost ??? We have lost a good guy that want to try and save the poor racial with the limited power he has.
Happiness is like a butterfly ; the more you chase it,the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder
Thoroau
Actually, i just want to say that people are "fragile", a knife, a hammer, or even just a normal rumor can easily kill a person. I think you can clearly seen that from the stories above. So, just think about it before action. When i am writing these things, i already know there must have some people hate me or dislike me, but i am just want to let you know- everyone will die one day, and nobody can live forever.We should appreciate people that surround us now but not appreciate them after lost. Indeed, if like this, you will regret one day when the person that you actually care about with have a small fight with you because of misunderstanding had died...and i share this is because i really can feel the pains from that person via the incident above and i really think this can be a good reflect mirror to all of us.
...Hate cannot solve problems but forgive can ...
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